Maggots and Odors, Oh My! 8 White House Features That Need ‘De-Dumping’ Bad

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White House renovations are afoot—and not a moment too soon, given all the rumors about how President Donald Trump allegedly let slip to his golf buddies that the place is “a real dump.” Trump denied he said it, and plenty of people raved about the place in its defense (hello, Chelsea Clinton). But if the latest renovations are any indication, the White House really does need some work, and may indeed be a bit, yes, dumpier than you might think.

While it’s unclear whether these renovations were sparked by Trump or that alleged “dump” comment, it’s certainly a good time to do some home improvements, since the president has recently left for a 17-day “working vacation” at his golf club in Bedminster, NJ.

According to the New York Times, other senior White House officials have also cleared out of the West Wing so that these renovations can begin, which are estimated to cost $3.4 million and take two weeks to complete.

All of this probably has you wondering: Exactly what aspects of the 217-year-old White House are begging to be fixed? Allow us to give you a full rundown of its many problems below.

1. The air-conditioning and heating system is near death’s door. Although the HVAC system is only 27 years old, it runs nonstop. So according to deputy press secretary Lindsay Walters, “Due to the 24/7, 365-day use a year, the estimated age of the system based off of usage is 81 years old.”
2. New cables and wires need to be installed in the walls.
3. The South Portico steps are 64 years old, and need to be replaced.
4. The carpets, from the Obama administration, have attained a yellowish hue and will need to be “de-yellowed,” whatever that involves.
5. According to CNN, a ceiling leak in the Lower Press area has led to a “foul odor” noticed by one visitor.
6. The place needs a fresh coat of paint. Maybe two.
7. The White House is bugged, literally, with house flies. In fact, President Barack Obama famously killed one of these winged intruders on camera just months into his presidency. Bug zappers were installed to combat the critters, but to little effect. In fact, reports surfaced that Trump ordered his beleaguered former chief of staff Reince Priebus to assassinate one in the Oval Office on his behalf.
8. Even grosser than flies? Maggots! According to the Washington Post, the White House has ’em. They don’t elaborate on where or how many, but it makes sense because maggots are essentially baby flies, in the larval stage … and proof positive that not all babies are cute.

White House renovations: ‘An absolute nightmare’

Grossed out yet? We don’t blame you, but even more stomach-churning might be what it takes to whip the White House into shape.

“From what I understand, any sort of work done on the White House is an absolute nightmare,” says Los Angeles–based real estate broker and investor Tyler Drew.

The reason: “It’s a big, old house built on a swamp, and that’s just the start of the problems. It’s a sprawling property that was built out by dozens of different contractors over the years.”

Aside from too many contractor cooks in the kitchen, the HVAC and wire installations will require that the walls be knocked down—and who knows what’s hiding behind them?

“I shudder to think of what is behind the walls of one of the oldest structures in America,” says Drew.  “They probably have old gaslight lines and knob-and-tube wiring everywhere. The AC units reportedly date back to the early 1950s, which would explain the drip and the smell.”

Another challenge getting this work done will be security, says Teris Pantazes, CEO of the home improvement app EFynch, who knows contractors who’ve worked in the White House.

“All tools must be checked, and while working, especially inside, you are under the close, watchful eye of pleasant but intimidating property managers,” he says. “I think for those used to working in the DC area, most of the security measures are common knowledge, but it can be off-putting to even us experienced guys. This can affect efficiency.”

As a result, the experts we spoke to wager this White House renovation project will go over budget and over time.

“Two to three weeks seems woefully inadequate to get this much work done,” says Bruce Ailion, a Realtor® and attorney in Atlanta. “I budget one week for each $10,000 in renovation, assuming no problems. I expect the president will return to the White House to find work not fully complete and will be working with contractors for some time to come.

“I anticipate tweets about government contracting and the inability of the government to accomplish anything,” he adds.

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